rich people are dumb and so is their clothing

by Malaika Olaoye

If you've been on TikTok, you’ve probably heard the prompt: what’s classy when you're rich and trashy when you're poor? There’s a variety of things that make it onto the list: avoiding taxes, not having a typical nine to five job, getting money from the government, and… most significant… WEARING SOME SHITTY CLOTHES.

You can’t afford nice clothing? I understand, and I’ll be the last one to judge you.

You’re a multimillionaire and/or billionaire? I can take you not paying your fair share of taxes. I can look away as you pull millions of dollars into the pocket of politicians so you can continue to destroy the environment. I can accept that you lobby against lifesaving regulations that may or may not have caused the train derailment in East Palestine. There’s nothing I can do about any of these things, but I will not, will not, accept your ugly fashion sense.

Guess! Which of the three articles of clothing is the most expensive?

If your answer was the ugly ass blazer that looked like something Miss Frizzle would wear on her 25k salary, then you are correct. This GUCCI blazer cost $6,200, but you would need to be an earring lesbian if you wanted to get more than one use out of it. (Thus, Miss Frizzle) Is that price even worth it??? Second place was a Balenciaga and Adidas collaboration, a red and white shell pantashoes. It’s one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen, and it costs a measly $3,790. Last but certainly the least worst is the black Balenciaga turtleneck gown, AKA an over-expensive sexy Voldemort costume, which costs $3,190.

And don’t get me started on the riches’ obsession with wearing denim where it doesn’t belong.

Exhibit A: BALENCIAGA Blue Pants Denim Blouse, $1590

Blink twice if you're a hostage… Oh wait!

Exhibit B: KIMHĒKIM Blue Emma Denim Camisole, $365

The price seems reasonable in comparison to everything else, but is it really? Isn’t that uncomfortable, girly? But…titty pockets! Never mind, they’re probably fake.

Exhibit C: BALENCIAGA Men's Destroyed Baggy Jeans, $2,450

You know what! I don’t even want to do this article any more. Print as is.