Signs of the Summer!

BY: Whore O. Scope

Which summer movie are you based on your zodiac sign?

This is purely based on stereotypes and vibes, don’t get upset.

Aries: Jaws

People are afraid of sharks just like they’re afraid of you. Your existence is power.

Taurus: Call Me By Your Name

Take out the problematic parts (weird age gap, peach, cannibalistic actor…) and this movie is vibes just like you!

Gemini: The Parent Trap

The Lindsey Lohan version, obviously. Get it? Twins? Too good.

Cancer: 500 Days of Summer

Apparently this movie is sad at the end but I’ve never seen it. Be the manic pixie dream girl you’ve always wanted to be this summer.

Leo: Dirty Dancing

People may say you’re dramatic but I just think you appreciate the classics. This is my mom’s favorite movie!

Virgo: Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer

Judy Moody likes a plan just like you! Take some risks and get some thrill points!

Libra: Booksmart

While this is technically a graduation movie, I picked it because my sister is a Libra and she likes A24 movies. Get out of your head and have fun this summer! Just don’t accidentally do drugs that’ll make you think you’re a doll…

Scorpio: I Know What You Did Last Summer

A murder mystery! You’re mysterious. If you commit murder this summer, just don’t tell me. Ignorance is bliss.

Sagittarius: Wet Hot American Summer

Don’t let anyone say your sense of humor is immature (even if it might be).

Capricorn: Mamma Mia

I know you try to appear serious but your soft side loves a good movie musical. Look for your dad this summer and put an end to the daddy issues once and for all!

Aquarius: Aquamarine

A true early 2000s mermaid masterpiece. Aquarius the water bearer. It just makes sense! (even though Aquarius is an air sign) We are H2O. Cleoar naur!!

Pisces: Luca

Italians might not be real but you sure are. Silencio Bruno!