Steamboat William is on the run

By: Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III

Extra extra, read all about it!! Disney tried to keep him contained, but a one, Steamboat William, has escaped Copyright Jail and is still at large.The getaway took place on January 1st, 2024, where S. William dug a hole to the nearest river (with a surprise tool he told the wardens would help him later), hopped on a steamboat, and took off with it and the captain. He was originally arrested and charged for the murder of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit when Walt Disney hired him as a hitman, but also holds charges for animal abuse and drug trafficking, which Disney kept under wraps. Don’t mind their pixie dust, they’re just busy covering crimes.

Since his escape, S. William has committed yet another murder, this time his former employer, Captain Pete. The day of the escape, Pete was released from the same Copyright Jail and had gone back to his life of being a used car salesman in ToonTown. Him and his family were running errands in town when S. William promptly ran him down with absolutely no remorse in the stolen steamboat, which is fair because he treated him like shit in the original cartoon. Anyway, authorities are still wondering how the hell he got the steamboat on land.

As they continue to search for explanations, the scoundrel has continued on his rampage. The steamboat was spotted in traffic on the Santa Ana Freeway and it was reported that he flipped off several small children in the standstill. At one point, his road rage took charge as he started flattening cars and whistling his silly little tune. 

Tourists also identified this as the steamboat that broke onto Disneyland property and cruised down Main Street USA. It is still parked there and preventing the parades from… parading. S. William was last seen skedaddling around Magic Kingdom, throttling every Mickey Mouse performer he encountered as he screamed “Miska, Muska, Mickey Mouse!” They are in critical condition. Staff are trying to close down the park, but Disney adults have completely lost it as they hunt for S. William, under the impression that this is just a really difficult hidden Mickey. Authorities are asking these individuals to calm the hell down and go home.

As Steamboat William is still on the loose, whereabouts unknown, residents are advised to lock their doors, protect their children, and keep all televisions turned on Nickelodeon.