Stevie’s Review

We are two girls who eat out frequently. We’re always looking for new places to call home, and after Stevie’s opened up in Acorn Valley, we decided to give it a go. The building is squashed between two apartment complexes, and we were both confused as to how they were able to fit an entire warehouse in between. When we entered, we had to awkwardly walk down two random steps and were greeted with a host who looked like a female Jesse Eisenburg. 

On our way to the table, we admired the abstract family portraits and brushed past the ivy covering the walls. Our arms were a little itchy, but it was no biggie.

Female Jesse Eisenburg brought us to a high top and instructed us to climb up a ladder to our seats. On our way up, one of us hit our head on a dangling exposed lightbulb. We also watched a man bonk his head on one of the many exposed pipes in the open ceiling. We then perused the menu and examined Stevie’s wide array of Handhelds and Sharables. When the waiter came over, we shouted our order of a sharable hand-crafted burger handheld and truffle fries. After he left, we decided to get a drink at the bar. The singular bartender was a woman named Mayghan who looks like she doesn’t play about BuzzfeedYellow. She also had a striking Deathly Hallows rainbow tattoo that glistened under the warm yellow light. But she’s not gay (she told us). She also told us she’s a Ravenclaw as she handed us our Moscow Mules. They were tasty!

Back at our table, our waiter Braedon (pronounced Ralphio) was waiting for us with a god-like presence and holding our burger. He looked like Jesus, especially with his burlap sack apron, and when the air from the moving ceiling fan hit him just right, his luscious golden brown locks flew with purpose! 

After meticulously removing the axe from our burger’s center, we embarked on a journey of flavors. A fire was born in our souls upon first bite. Or maybe it was the top-secret burger sauce seeping into our bloodstreams. It felt even more surreal as the seventh play of, “50 Ways to Say Goodbye” pumped through the exposed speakers. 

We were shocked to receive a Friends and Family discount, taking our burger from $72 down to $58. Despite the gratuity for parties of two being 300%, the $23 truffle fries with the mystery aioli were not included in this discount. The owners, James and Scotty, even recognized us from our food reviews! They told us that they were just two guys with a crazy dream, and felt that Acorn Valley was missing the perfect handheld spot. James also looked like Jesus, and Scotty looked like the nice guy that everyone in college told you to stay away from. But they were really nice, and said our drinks were on the house (plus a $18 upcharge)! 

We’ll definitely be frequenting this joint in the future, especially on the nights the local bands come to play and help host trivia! Check out Stevie’s if you want a refreshing and invigorating experience! Will be back again! :)