THE SQUIRREL

Welcome to Acorn Valley, the Secondest Town in PA! I’m sure you’ll be moving here soon whether you want to or not. This town has a way...

Welcome to the library! Don’t mind the stacks of legal books everywhere… there’s yet another trial on the size regulations on carabiners....

WE THE PEOPLE of Acorn Valley, Pennsylvania, in order to form a more perfect neighborhood, establish justice for all lawn shapes, ensure neighborly tranquility, provide for common sense, promote gardening welfare, and secure the blessings of the local squirrels, do ordain and establish this constitutional declaration of lawn shape independence for the united homeowners of Acorn Valley. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one neighborhood to dissolve th

Becky Has anyone seen my cat, Fuckface? I let him out to chew on some grass and when I came to wait for him to inevitably throw it up, he was gone?? Help pls! dearest_debra My dog (Albert) has also gone missing recently! My wife took the printer in the divorce, so if you can print posters please reach out! 😀 Agatha Winthrop It was my printer. Also, his name is Arnold. Ridiculous. deputy-davis Let me know if you need a lawyer. 777-777-6969 Matilda Witherspoon Fuckface

Hello one and all and welcome to Agatha Winthrop’s Horoscopes! Whether you know everything about astrology or nothing at all, I am here...

There is calamity at the courts this week as neighbors MacKensaileighlee Stephens and disgraced Vatican member Cardinal Robin feud over a...

Do you love squirrels? Do you love coffee? Do you love squirrels in your coffee? Then Squirrels Galore Café is perfect for you! Located...

Dear Ms. MacKensaileighlee, I am writing to you today because I frankly hate the Homeowners Association, and by extension: you. I moved...

Dear Francine St. Francis, My son Bryan was scrolling on his little digital device before his screen time for the day ended, and I...

We are two girls who eat out frequently. We’re always looking for new places to call home, and after Stevie’s opened up in Acorn Valley,...