The Top 5 American Clowns

5. Capitalism the Clown

Say what you will about Bezos the clown; he gets things done. Despite several injuries and lawsuits against his company, this American clown has produced results! The master at making all your money disappear at just the click of a button, at products to mildly inconvenience the non-clown kind, and at unpaid assistants that may or may not get injured, he is truly a fine example of what the ideal clown should be. All he is missing is a flower that squirts water and the occasional wig, and he is well on his way to moving higher on our list. 

4. Mime McConnell

You’ve seen it right here, folks, the first ventriloquist dummy to have his own solo act clowning around in Congress. In fact, his act is so successful that despite not saying a single word himself, the whole country is laughing about it. Thank you to Mr. Turtle for his contributions to clownkind. The only reason he is not higher on The Daily Honk’s list is he is mostly already dead, so in comparison to other clowns, it is not fair to put him higher. 

3. Robert F. Clownedy Jr.

America’s own anti-masking clown is truly a new and improved version of clownkind. His hilarious claims on root causes of neurodivergency and anti-masking ideals have us all falling out of our chairs laughing. Although how much of his clowning is due to the worms in his brain talking to him, we will never know. Despite the claim which could be made that his tomfoolery wasn’t his original work because of this, The Daily Honk would like to thank the worms for their valuable contributions and influence on our healthcare system. 

2. Sir-Posts-a-Lot-on-Twitter

After his massively successful renaming of the popular platform Twitter to the name of a porn website, our very own Muskrat the Clown has continued with his nincompoopery by making the most popular clown car on the market: the Cybertruck. This hunk of metal bullshit clown car, which many raccoons have mistaken for dumpsters, is the newest in the line of clown inventions created by Muskrat. Other things achieved by this fine example of the worst of humanity clownery are included but not limited to a van designed to fit as many of his fellow clowns in as possible, a rocket that definitely didn’t explode, and his speedrun of bankruptcy while still managing to be the richest clown in America. He also has a wonderful knack for inappropriate hand gestures popularized by a certain clown of the 1940s that fellow top American clowns interpreted as “giving love to the crowd.” Truly a fascinating example of reimagining hand gestures and applying it in the modern era of clowning. 

1. The Comb-over King of clownery and Honk In Chief

Whatever you’d like to call the clown that sits at the head of our country, he is certainly doing a fantastic job of representing the biggest clowns of America. He has it all: famous hair, big shoes, and a special knack for making people and money disappear. The Daily Honk would like to acknowledge the orange and morally darker-than-hell man who leads the charge for the clown kind. His acts of big, beautiful buffoonery have truly made way for clowns to represent America and influence public policy in favor of fellow rich people clowns. The Daily Honk would like to acknowledge his prowess in giving voice and power to the most depraved and terrible, well-respected member of the community.