Top Five Most Common Google Searches on SU’s WiFi
BY: Malaika Olaoye
Since Susquehanna University is already combing through your information, it might as well be put to good use. This listicle is about the five most common Google searches during the Fall 2022 semester! Campus-wide secrets will be revealed and so much more!
How we got our hands on this stuff is The Squirrel’s dirty secret. But let’s just say that, like the lady that leaked the No Fly List, the first step was boredom.
Let’s start with the fifth most common search: mySU
Honestly, rip little buddy. The students at SU will miss how you looked like a website from 2007 that would probably give their home computer a virus. “The resource cannot be found” breaks my heart every time.
The fourth most common search during Fall 2022 was prez greens onlyfans.
I didn’t even know that President Green had an Onlyfans. The fact that I wasn’t made aware of this sooner is a travesty. I bet everyone who searched this up was disappointed that all he does is show off his bow tie collection. Or maybe, which might be weirder, you kept coming back for his bow ties. I mean… I can’t argue that the one with the cats on it is pretty cute. I think I might become a member of his Patreon. Do you think $50 a month is too much to give to a content creator? How much of that will go into SU’s budget?
In a close competition for second place, ChatGBT lost by a hair and is now in third place.
“If I had to choose between doing my work with integrity or making an A.I. do it for me, I would choose the latter,” or at least that was the A.I. 's response was when I asked it to justify cheating with the program. It also told me, unprompted, that it had no interest in world domination. Well, that’s a relief! Anyway, you guys are all dirty, dirty cheaters! Do you guys like it when I shame you?
Second place for most common Google searches is how to transfer.
Why so many people would want to leave this great institution of learning astounds me! SU has everything its students could need. There’s… faculty, housing (sometimes), and… um, food. Okay, the food is mid, I have to admit it, but there’s smoothies, cookies, and chicken nuggets. What more could you ask for? I’m personally functioning just fine on those three things alone. You may have put yourself in debt to come here. Or sold off some of your organs (you already have two livers, you don’t need both of them), but as my kindergarten teacher once said when I politely requested for a purple marker instead of a pink one, ‘you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.’
The most common Google search during the Fall 2022 semesters is… *drum roll*… google. Well, that was a little underwhelming. It is a little annoying that whenever you open a new tab on a school desktop that it opens myNest, so I understand your guys’ pain.
If you want more stuff like this, look out for the extensive data leak in the next article! XOXO, Gossip Girl or something like that. I’ve never watched the show.
