Top Republicans Insist They Aren’t Fascists, Democracy Just Isn’t Their Thing

By: ZACH SLUSSER

Washington D.C. - Many high-ranking Republican officials have come out today to repudiate claims that they are ardent supporters of fascist policies within our government. Current Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell pushed back hard against the allegations. “I was conceived in the midst of the Second World War,” the jowl-necked turtle stated. “If anyone knows fascism, it’d be me, and that’s not us, believe me.”

Public opinion of the Republican Party has declined under the Trump Administration, as prominent members have adopted increasingly alarming stances on our country’s democratic processes. Evidently, the expedited appointment of Amy Coney Barrett, a conservative justice who advocates for the fusion of church and state and worships men, did not sit well with many.

Senator Tom Cotton of Arkansas, best known for advocating to commit war crimes against Black Lives Matter protestors, stated, “It’s not that the concept of democracy has become outdated, delegitimizing the current systems we have in place and enabling an overgrown man child’s corruption of our justice system just serves our interests of creating a single-party ruling state better.”

More concerns continue to rise, even after former Vice President Joe Biden’s victory in this year’s election. Prominent members of the party have refused to acknowledge the President-Elect’s triumph, throwing baseless accusations of voter fraud out and offering rewards Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, a Trump appointee and 2020 RNC speaker, has already stated that he will commit to a peaceful transition of power, but only to a second term for Donald Trump. When confronted about how his statement implies that the GOP seeks to overthrow the rule of law and disregards the electoral process, Pompeo commented only that “At least we’re not raising taxes on the middle class like the Democrats are.”