Where your clothes at?

By: Voluntold Nudist

Welcome to Susquehanna, a place of learning…learning about bodily autonomy, apparently. Here at this lovely school, we somehow got away with performing plays involving horse fantasies and horny teenagers, and now we’re asking students to tear off their clothes and pose for an art class. I know, great ideas, right? Before anyone comes at me, YES I know there are deeper meanings, and it’s not all about the nakedness blah blah blah, but you have to admit, don’t you like experiencing college student-made art where everyone is fully clothed? Are the professors aware that maybe some college students have little siblings? Religious parents? SENSITIVE FRIENDS?! I’ve never met someone, college student or not, say, “I’m so hyped to watch my friend take their clothes off!” because that’s weird as freak bro. 

Exhibit A: Equus (performed circa 2024) involved a man completely naked while riding another (half) naked man, portraying a horse, and then later on, gouging said horse’s eyes out. Oh! And you’ll never guess when this was being performed. Two words. Family. Weekend. All the actors involved did an incredible job, all I’m saying is, the performance dates were quite questionable! Especially for a show with such graphic content. The closer show at hand is Spring Awakening. Ohh boy, where to start. I won’t give too much away here, but I’ll say go check the Wikipedia synopsis! While you're scrolling on the interwebs, if you have any more scandalous show suggestions, email us at t0t4llyn0rmal3mail@gmail.com! 

In addition to the shows, we now have the studio art department asking for nude models… I’m sorry, what?! Which professor suggested this? Was there some big artistic meeting about who’s got abs? What is with this school’s artistic curators and their obsession with getting everyone out of their clothes and into the general public? 

To sum up, keep your clothes on SU <3