You’re a winner, grandma!

The nursing home is not the safe place for Peepaw you thought it was. In fact, 30 percent of nursing home patients experience depression which typically goes unnoticed within the home. To be fair, if I had to get my ass wiped by a broad with streaky highlights and a condescending attitude daily, I’d be pretty upset too. However, I’m not here to talk about wiping asses; I am more concerned about the fact that there are minimal activities to spark passion for the elderly. I feel as though there should be a major change and I encourage you to ponder the activities the elderly are actually invested in. Shoving bingo chips and chess pieces into wrinkly faces is completely understimulating and uninteresting. Which is why I’m shoving the concept of a nursing home casino for the old geezers instead. Turn that gross, wrinkly face into the ultimate poker face!

Ethical Casino Co. guarantees that the youthful glow of your patients will resurrect from the (almost) dead! The geriatrics yearn to gamble and we are the exact company you can rely on to do just that. In fact, one enthusiastic dementia patient reports, “I can’t recall a time where Ethical Casino Co. made me not trust them.” It is so rewarding to watch the light in patients’ eyes (the burning glow of countless machines.) 

This program is the perfect pastime for the 90-year-old senile hustlers and divas that are willing to blow their 401k on the thrill for games. Before you know it, Mimi’s will is going to be put on red and she’ll shout through her 24k gold plated dentures, “Fuck them kids!” 

Picture this: while other nursing home patients are forgetting they can’t walk and falling out of their wheelchairs (embarrassing), YOUR patients will be so occupied with winning big that they won’t even move at all besides their flabby, droopy skin flapping in the wind as they scratch spinning icons up and down the screens of slot machines. 

But what do we bring to the table, you ask? We have poker, slot machines, blackjack, roulette, Kenny Roger’s “The Gambler” on a 24 hour loop, and so much more. Hell, we’ll even keep bingo. And from now until January we will throw in FREE knee surgeries and FREE insulin for those who make over 500 grand!

My company is willing to be installed in your nursing home for FREE with ZERO FEES!

(strip club and bar sold separately)

We will take 80% of the patients earnings :3

SIGN HERE

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