A Very Shmutty Halloween x Jedward x Supermassive Black Hole
By: twightfleshlight32
(Author’s Note: Hey guys!!!!!1! I just wanted to thank you for being patient with me. Just woke up in a Guatemalan jail with a buzzed haircut and a tattoo that resembles Larry King, you know, normal gurl tingz! Saw some of you messaging me via tumblr LMAO asking about what's new with life, so here it is! enjoy <33333)
Hey guys! These past few weeks have got my mommy area in a tizzy. I mean, having 2 boys fight over you is one thing. But having a hairy, chiseled, hot, sweaty, and did I say hung werewolf best friend and a serious, hot, slightly less sweaty due to Botox, vampire dude who glistens in your fairy lights fight over you is another, hornier thing. It was sooooo hard for me to think with all this sex appeal around me. What other choice did I have but to go to the one place that could keep me sane. The only place that I feel… at home…WattPad! I had to get my thoughts out on paper, and this was the only choice…
It was a grayish foggy-ass midday. Jacob had just arrived home from hunting, his face dirtied by dirt.
“Man, I’m so happy I pissed on that fire hydrant. My property now BITCH.” He said, snarling.
Settling in for the rest of the day, he rips his shirt off, revealing his 9 pack he obtained through cardio, lifting, and Rumba dancing. Then, with his wolf like hearing, a slight knock is heard.
“Booty call must be here.” He states, flexing in the mirror before running down the stairs on all 4s.
“Oh, it's you…”
Standing before him is none other than the sexy batman, Edward, his face, covered in Michael’s ™ glitter glue.
“Listennnnn, Jacob. JJ. Jakey. Jake from State Farm. Pimp daddy Jacob.”
Jacob doesn’t seem to be amused.
“I've been wondering a few things. You see, I know you love Bella. But I love Bella more.” He exclaims, his teeth revealing a grill he’s bought using tiktok doubloons.
“…Nuh uh…”, Jacob’s face reddens.
“Prove it then. Reveal your peepee (member) to me, so that I may believe you.” Eddie says, giggling like a 32 year old woman.
“Promise not to tell Bella?” He asked, turning his head to the side dramatically.
“I promise” he said, but his fangs were crossed. Jacob takes out what can only be described as an adult anaconda, which we all know can grow to the size of 30 feet. 🫦🙀🦶
“You make me laugh. That’s but an ant compared to me” as Eddie whips out his yogurt slinger, the size of 5 Mona Lisa paintings laid side by side height wise.
“Y-you know Edd, I… I only wanna be with Bella to make you jealous. I really j-just like you… UwU.”
Jacob says, pecks sending kisses to Edward.
“Same… you know what? Why don’t you just kiss me on my hot vampire mouth already?” Edward says sensually, his orbs gazing upon Jacob's 9 pack, sparking with sweat and old spice cologne.
They then proceed to have the best, hottest, gay sex possible, and by that, I mean the bigger wiener eats the smaller wiener, like in slither.io.
✨fin✨
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