College Students Are Toddlers (Again)
By: The Gerber Baby
Here we are, finally in the adult world and surviving on our own. We have control of our time, we have to organize our schedules… but wait! Why are we doing the things we thought we grew out of over a decade ago? We worked so hard to get here just to become toddlers again, so what the hell was the point? This is ridiculous and I am going to cry about it. Through my tears, I have listed the similarities we college students share with toddlers, specifically those in the terrible twos.
Chicken Parm, Nuggets, and Tater Tots, OH MY!
Have you noticed how feral students in the dining hall become on these nights? These are the core foods of our childhoods and here we are, close to murdering each other, only for a bite of that sweet, succulent nostalgia. Should we be ashamed? No. It is delicious and some of the only food in Deg that won’t poison us.
Empty Time is Naptime
Many of us find ourselves taking naps for many reasons; exhausted from staircases, to redirect every problem we run into, or to avoid seeing people as an attempt to savor the final sliver of our social batteries. Naptime is literally the solution to all issues.
I Want My Mommy
Yes we might be living on our own, but I will be calling my mommy for help at any minor inconvenience, and I have seen half of you doing the same thing. It does not matter that we are big kids, problems are scary.
Obsession with Animals
Stop trying to pick up the squirrels. No, you cannot be their friend and no, they cannot be your new pet. Your roommate will hate you. Stop that. Also you have been staring at the koi fish for an hour, please go home, it’s my turn.
Crunchy Leaves
I see some of you completely changing the path you walk on just to step on a crunchy leaf, and that is completely okay. Continue on.
Stuffed Animals
What is the one thing that many students have in common on this campus? No, not the crippling depression or anxiety, I mean in your dorms. That’s right! There are so many stuffed animals on this campus and it is NOT a problem. Why do you think the school has stuff a plush events? Now, please tell me all of their names. Also we should plan a tea party!
Constant Messes
Toddlers are a mess and so are we! Emotionally, physically, and environmentally, we create chaos everywhere. Sometimes, we don’t even realize it, so as toddlers do, we walk away from the problem like nothing happened.
Always Sickly
Whether it be the result of the awful dining hall food or the many parties, sickness is something that we are battling CONSTANTLY. One day of health is the ultimate miracle. Some of y’all also never grew out of that toddler cough. You know the one.
Now hug your stuffed animals tight and get under the covers, it’s past your bedtime and President Green is starting story time.
