Go Piss Ghoul

By: someone who refuses to name themselves out of embarrassment

Have you ever considered embarrassing ways you could die? Like drowning… that's embarrassing, just float. Or falling—maybe balance, I don't know. I’m not sure if you’ve ever felt like you were going to die on a particular object, but I have. And this is my story.

I’m a responsible student, and I was in the basement of the chapel working on a project in the studio at a time way too late for anyone to be in Weber. Immediately after walking inside, I felt something was wrong. I always feel that way when I walk in though, since we all know that Weber is indeed haunted.

After ripping open the sticky recording studio door, I threw my bag down and began a project that was nearing its deadline (the very next day). I worked and worked and sipped on my battered YETI until I finally decided that I needed to pee.

Quietly, I made my way to the girls bathroom, choosing the stall closest to the door. I started peeing, as you do when you go to the bathroom, actually beginning to feel comfortable with my surroundings, when the lights flickered ever so slightly. I stopped peeing for a moment, startled. Before I could gather my thoughts, the lights began to flicker violently, and then my life flashed before my eyes as the bathroom went black.

I just sat there blanching. What the hell was I supposed to do in this situation? I wanted to laugh, but I was scared I was literally going to die on the toilet in the Weber Chapel basement bathroom, so I stayed quiet. And nevermind peeing anymore, I was afraid that if I let one more drop slip out I was a goner. But I was already in motion, so I didn’t have a choice but to just finish what I started. I decided to be “brave” (I’m a dumbass) and call out to whoever was playing a trick on me, because the last thing I was going to do was speculate it was a ghost.

“Hello?” I called out. It just echoed. I repeated myself to no avail.

I just sat there. I was all peed out but couldn't move, genuinely fearful.

Suddenly, the lights came back on. I decided to finish my business (just #1 to remind you all) and get back to the studio where I was “safe.” Pulling my pants up…hand on the latch…ready to bolt to the sink to power wash my hands and run…the lights turn off again.

“No,” was the only thing I repeated out loud for a solid 5 minutes. No. I was literally getting haunted and was going to die in a fucking bathroom in a fucking basement of a church. This shit would only happen to me.

Gaining the courage, I wrenched open the stall door and ran to the sink in complete darkness, muttering “no” over and over again. I washed my hands as quickly as I could. Panicking after drying my hands, I threw the paper towel in the sink instead of the garbage, trying to get the hell out of the bathroom that was going to kill me.

I burst through the exit and BOLTED to the studio where I slammed the door shut and ran as far from the door as I could.

“FUCK,” I yelled while jumping because what was my life, how did I almost DIE?

After that, I finished my project as fast as I could. I have never run out of a place faster in my entire existence.