In My Investigative Journalism Era
By: Someone Who Wasn’t Photogenic Enough to Be on a Flag
I must preface this with one thing: I mean no shade whatsoever to the people whose faces are up around campus. Take the paycheck (though you weren’t paid). Go for it. Y’all look great in those photos. However, I have a gripe with what these flags really are: an effort to promote a diverse, rich, and accepting culture that Susquehanna University just does not have.
As some of you may have noticed, with the school rebrand came new banners on the street lights around campus (although the old, better designs can still be found by the 9/11 memorial). These flags are awful from so many standpoints. The design of the flags are hideous, you can hardly read them, and the students featured on them were not asked for permission to have their likeness plastered all over campus.
While we all (probably) signed the photo-release before we got here, making this is most likely a legal move by the university, the people behind this campaign are morally reprehensible for the misrepresentation of SU students and putting up these fabrications around campus without checking in with these students. This does not tell a story of diversity, equity, and inclusion. This screams that they will use us; to tick-off a checklist of race, gender, and sexuality, to paint us in whatever light that they want to make themselves look the best that they can, to trick innocent highschoolers into coming to this God forsaken “school.”
Anyway, since I clearly despise these flags, let's take a look at the greatest offenders!! <3
“For the doodlers and the debaters”
I personally know the guy on that banner and I can tell you that he does not doodle or debate. Also, fuck you for using alliteration. This lives in my head rent free and I want it out.
“We love that you’re curious - so are we.”
What the fuck are you curious about Susquehanna? How to get everyone to leave so you can sell the school and file for bankruptcy?
“Where nobody goes unnoticed, and everyone stands out.”
Not even my advisor knows who I am and all the clubs that I allegedly attend keep getting photos without me.
“For the entrepreneur with a creative streak.”
Most entrepreneurs buy other peoples’ ideas. Get over yourself Sigmund Weis School of Business.
“Prepare for the real world by actually experiencing it.”
I’m starving, can’t afford to be here, have a heavy caffeine addiction, and if one more person doesn’t reply to my email on time, I’m going to add alcohol dependency to my list.
“Experience(s) you need for the life you want to live.”
Why would you put anything in parenthesis on a flag? Also, it does not matter what I do, the capitalist ruling class will give me no agency in the movement of my social ranking. I am a money-making puppet toy and it is only down from here.
“Where the art of science meets the science of art.”
Both science and art majors can be seen visibly punching the air as they walk past this flag.
“We don’t just teach you to think - we teach you to think critically.”
I heard a student argue that blood was blue inside of the veins.
“For the budding ecologist with a streaming side hustle.”
Whoever made this doesn’t know “streaming” is a legitimate job now, fuck you and your failure of a pun. Also, get this man a fish.
“Susquehanna University”
Orange and maroon are hideous and how do you even pronounce it? A cool, navy “Penn State Selinsgrove” banner would be much more pleasing on the eyes.
