PSA: -I-Am-Not- Clowns Are Not Mimes

Dear Jerald,

Hello, fellow circus lovers. It has come to my attention that there is some confusion surrounding the identities of a couple of our resident circus positions, namely, our annoying, idiotic mime and lovable, amazing clown friends, who, to be clear, hold two separate positions. This confusion is very disturbing, as it affects me personally I care very much for my friends, who are mildly inconvenienced by this ignorant misconception. To be clear: clowns and mimes are not the same. It is honestly depressing that I even need to make this distinction considering how utterly opposite we they are.

You see, mimes exist solely to annoy people, flailing around their arms like a jellyfish, acting like it’s an effective method of communication, and also always refusing to speak despite allegedly being fluent in some language or another. You know, sign language exists for a reason, geniuses; you don’t need to be such a pick-me! Clowns, on the other hand, are simply brilliant. Colorful, fun-loving, jolly, good neighbors who do NOT honk their noses all day long, thank you, Jerald who just want to make people smile and laugh and have a good time with normal, spoken jokes that don’t rely on overdramatic body motions.

. . . No, I will neither confirm nor deny those rumors of killer clowns. My colleagues and I The clowns I am speaking of of course have no association with those hooligans, though obviously the alleged victims have my utmost sympathy if their stories are true. Which they are not.

Anyways.

This is a picture of me a clown: beautiful, glamorous, red-nosed, aurafarming, with the biggest shoes and the smallest car on the block. 

Insert picture of clown

How could anyone confuse this gorgeous specimen (who is certainly not me) with a mime of all things? Clowns dress in COLORS, while mimes are always black and white. Mimes might even be homophobic, since they’re apparently so allergic to color. Who knows? They certainly won’t tell us, because they won’t ever say ANYTHING. 

Oh, I suppose that would be the easiest way to remember the difference between a clown and a mime. Clowns are gay icons; mimes are homophobic bitches. 

. . .What’s that? Someone’s yelling at me from behind the scenes. Please hold.

. . .The picture’s printed in black and white? People can’t see color in a black-and-white photo? SO WHAT?! Just look at the subject embodying color and fashion and zestiness; a mime could never pull off that level of sophistication. You don’t even need the color to see my the clown’s aura; it’s just so obvious.

In conclusion, mimes are the worst ever, especially you, JERALD. I’ll never stoop to dating a mime again clowns and mimes are different, and yes, one is clearly superior to the other. 

Don’t get them mixed up again. And fuck you, Jerald.