Squirrels Galore Cafe Grand Opening

Do you love squirrels? Do you love coffee? Do you love squirrels in your coffee? Then Squirrels Galore Café is perfect for you! Located in the heart of Acorn Valley, Squirrels Galore is the brand-new hotspot for locals. It boasts the innovative new concept of relaxing and having a drink WITH local squirrels!

My wife and I (lesbian squirrels lawyers) noticed that the local squirrels have felt left out of Acorn Valley’s social life. Despite having representation in the local government, most people do not speak with them–not even a hi, how are you. Despicable! Especially considering most of them have been here their whole lives. Watching. Thankfully, our family (definitely human) has noticed this wretched oversight and fixed it.

We have captured the loneliest squirrels and brought them into our treehouse to train them in becoming a valuable part of society. Once acclimated, they are transitioned to the Café, where they are ready to serve and entertain. When a customer walks into our café, they are welcomed with open (tiny) arms! The squirrels will be the ones running the whole establishment, from maintenance to serving your drinks to cuddling with patrons. For a small tip, they will even do a little dance. If a special connection is made, you have the chance to adopt these cute agents companions! 

Once in your home, do not be alarmed if they start setting up cameras throughout. They are just trying to keep you safe! And think nothing of their weekly midnight excursions to the Café; they just miss their squirrel friends. Your new squirrel pet will be a loving, cuddly, and fluffy asset! They even chirp! And you can put them in little outfits! They prefer tuxedos. 

So come on down for your taste of this nutty experience! (This is not in any way an attempt to infiltrate the lives of humans.) Come to the Grand Opening on April 25th for your chance to get up close and personal with the eligible squirrels of Acorn Valley. We, the human lesbian lawyers, will be there for any questions and concerns. 

Any mention of “health code violations” by any patron (MacKensaileighlee) will be escorted out of Squirrels Galore Café by our squirrel bouncers. 

P.S. We are not responsible for any squirrel attacks. If the squirrels do not vibe with you, then you are the problem.