The Joe Rogan Experience

J: Hey man thanks for being here. 

Z: Yeah, no problem. 

J: Go ahead and introduce yourself. 

Z: I’m Zeus. Yes, that one, god of weather and lightning bolts and shit. 

J: Thanks Zeus, and uh, what are you here to talk about today? I have it written down here that you want to talk about climate change? 

Z: Yeah, that’s exactly right Joe. Look man, I don’t know what kinda propaganda bs these “scientists” are putting in peoples heads, but I’m just gonna come right out and say it’s a load of conspiracy theorist lies.  

J: Are you then implying climate change is a lie? I’m not sure I’m following you. 

Z: Yeah man that’s exactly what I’m saying. Look, I’ve been in this gig some billions of years, I think I’d know if the “climate was changing.” 

J: And, just curious here, what do you think about global warming? 

Z: And there you go man. Look, it’s just not real okay. I mean I run these skies, and I haven’t been doing anything different alright. Weather is weather. 

J: Well, I have a study or two here that suggests otherwise. I’m not uh, trying to sit here and tell you you’re wrong, but this is some pretty uh, pretty heavy evidence. 

Z: I don’t give a damn about your studies okay? All the goddesses are wrong man I’m doing fine. 

J: What are the uh, the goddesses you called them? 

Z: Yup. 

J: What are they saying? 

Z: They’re saying I’m washed up. Too old. Losing my spark. It’s a god damn outrage man! 

J: Well, we have some more time, let’s bring our surprise guest in. Everyone welcome- 

Z: Oh, damn it! Her?? Of all of them you picked her? 

D: Happy to see you too. And by the way, you’re late on child support.  

J: For our listeners, we have joining us Demeter, goddess of agriculture. 

D: I heard you were telling the people climate change isn’t real? Really?? That’s just sad. I mean look at you. 

Z: Yeah you aged like milk too, I don’t need your lecturing. And so what if I’m telling the people what they need to hear? Any “change” to the climate is just the weak mortals complaining about every damn thing. You’d think they’d toughen up! 

D: YOU ARE KILLING THE EARTH! Why? I’ll tell everyone why. Because you can’t run the show anymore. You got old and you got lazy. The only thing left in Olympus still attracted to you is a 12 pack, and what use to be a body of “peak god performance” was replaced with- well whatever is sitting in front of me. 

Z: This is why I didn’t want her here. I am the god of all gods! I am the man, the myth, and the legend! 

A loud rumbling consumes the room; loud spurs of electricity cut the space between each word. 

Z: I OWN YOU! I OWN EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU! YOU HUMANS ARE INSECTS, SUBJECTS OF MY KINGDOM!  

A loud crackle seemingly fries the microphone, abruptly ending the podcast