Top Ten Holidays to Dress Up For! Number Eight Will SHOCK YOU

By: Some Furry

Alright fuckers and fuckettes, listen up! Halloween is coming (hehe), and I’ll bet most of us don’t have enough money to buy a costume! Oh no! Perchance!

Luckily, the Gregorian calendar is chock full of other holidays that you can dress your cute little asses up for! On today’s episode of Buzzfeed Listicles™, we’ll propose ten other holidays that you can dress up for.

1. Christmas: The obvious choice for dressing in merry little costumes. Make the Yuletide gay by dressing up as a Sexy Santa Claus. Couples should consider dressing as milk and cookies, the ultimate pairing. Ugly people can even dress up as reindeer! I fucking swear to God if I see any sexy fucking elf costumes I will ki—

2. Thanksgiving: Already kind of a nothing holiday, so why not spice things up with fun little costumes? I mean really, what else is there to care about besides the Macy’s Parade, turkey, and pretending you wouldn’t rather kill yourself than listen to your racist uncle’s drivel? Dress up as a fun little turkey, and don’t forget the stuffing. There’s also the annual dog show, so to all the regular ass furries out there, don’t be afraid to pull out the neon green fursuit!

3. Valentines Day: Now, you could dress up all sexy for your partner, but people who read the Squirrel don’t get any pussy anyways! What you want to do is dress up like Cupid. Put on nothing but a diaper and start running around campus. Perfect for business majors, since we all know what’s under those fancy ass suits. It’s for emergencies, like when they color outside the lines on their management final.

4. Saint Patrick’s Day: Who loves Irish stereotypes? We do! Deck yourself out in whatever green attire you’ve got and celebrate shitfaced n’ full of potatoes. THE IRISH WAY. (The Squirrel does not support underage drinking. Irish responsibly, kids).

5. Saint Kevin of Glendalough Day: Saint Kevin is actually a real dude! He’s the patron saint of blackbirds and was known for never leaving his house. He also drowned some girl! Channel this chad’s energy by wearing whatever the fuck you want and not leaving your bedroom! For more fun facts about Daddy Kevin, check out this video they played us in Catholic school!

6. Easter: Another holiday perfect for regular ass furries. I mean the Easter bunny really is nothing more than a church sanctioned fursona. Who gives a fuck. Bonus points if you actually shit out eggs.

7. Leif Erikson Day: Y’all know that episode of Spongebob where he was so pumped for Leif Erikson Day and had a whole costume and everything? Channel that energy. Hinga dinga durgen. Also, Leif Erikson had a twelve inch eel, so you better get that strap ready, ladies.

9. Mother’s Day: Milfs.

10. Groundhog Day: Dress up like the groundhog so when he comes out to see his shadow he is surrounded by the spitting image of himself. This will scare him so much that he’ll have a heart attack and die. Hopefully this will be on a no-shadow day, for then we will be gifted with an eternal spring. We may then recreate the garden of Eden, and those who have never touched the fruit of knowledge will live fat and happy. Or perhaps we will be cursed with an eternal winter, nothing left of humanity but the memories we’ve had, the knowledge of what our future could’ve been like. We could’ve had flying cars or flying trains or an Applebees-Denny’s-Max™. There will be nothing left but ourselves and the unforgiving tundra. I wonder if it’ll be like Ice Age™.