Totally Real Spellz for Totally Real Magicianz

Hello all aspiring magicians! I’m so glad you all decided to come back for my brand new webinar about the totally awesome and completely real spells that I give away for free! This week we will be going over 3 totally fun new and very much real spells for you to use in your everyday life! Just turn to chapter three of your textbook Totally Real Spellz to begin.

Spell 1: how to convince your mentor to pair you with a friend

Have you ever really wanted to work with someone on a project? Does your mentor thrive on psychological warfare? Just follow this super simple step and you will see success before you know it.

Just grab each other’s hands and go…please, please, please, please, please, please and in theory, this should work. Just trust me on this one, it worked for me so it should work for you. 

Spell 2: how to accidentally kill a man

You’re probably wondering, why is accidentally in here? If you’re going to kill a man, why not do it with some purpose? Well, it’s because as psychics you do tend to get some things wrong.

The key here for this spell to work is for you to be sick and dying on your deathbed. Just envision some rando that’s going to be at an event you’re going to, accidentally profess that you don’t want to spread your germs to them to kill them, then boom. Just wait a few days then suddenly an obituary will show up out of nowhere then you’ll know that this was pulled off successfully. 

Spell 3: how to end your incredibly vile and evil ex-boyfriend

Now I’m sure you’re wondering how this doesn’t tie into the previous spell, but this should be done with purpose. This is by far the most complicated spell in this section, so please tread with both caution and evil intent as this may have some unintended side effects for the beanpole you are cursing. 

For this spell to work, you need all the rage you can muster in your body. Like I mean all of it. You will also need the faint remnants of the thing on his lip he called a mustache, but that’s still up for debate. Gather around a comically large cauldron and proceed to add everything you held near and dear about him while chanting about how much of a shithead he is, then wait roughly the amount of time it takes to send a breakup text. You’ll know this was done correctly when all memory and traces of him vanish off the face of the Earth. 

If you want to really give this spell some extra juice, join a lesbian polycule with two other gorgeous women. When he sees that you are thriving without him he simply will just wither away with the wind. You honestly could also combine the previous two spells with this and also see some good results. 

I hope you have enjoyed my webinar and be sure to tune in next week where we go over even more absolutely 100% completely real spells for clowning around! If you have any questions, you can contact me at t0t4llyn0rmal3mail@gmail.com!