When Disney Died

By: Walt Disney’s Frozen Head

Walt Disney may have died in 1966, but Disney Channel died in 2014. Every show since 2014 is trash, they may as well just recut old episodes. Give me the rejected scenes of Wizards of Waverly Place, Good Luck Charlie, That’s So Raven, Hannah Montana, Suite Life of Zack and Cody—even Girl Meets World. It would be better than ANYTHING they’ve put out in the last 9 years. 

Disney’s Trash Shows Since Its Death

• Bunk’d                                                                                                                       Painful

• The Villains of Valley View               Trash

• Bizaardvark                   Jake Paul was on it, enough said

• Coop and Cami Ask The World                    Girl Meets World 2.0 but worse

• Best Friends Whenever                                                                                                Meh

• Hamster and Gretel           Now, who named this?

• K.C. Undercover        THE ONLY EXCEPTION

The only acceptable show since the year two thousand and fourteen is K.C. Undercover and the only reason for that is, say it with me now, Zendaya. Anything Zendaya is in is automatically good. Seriously though, what happened to the humor and genuine storytelling in children’s TV? Do kids today actually enjoy these shows? I know new kids’ shows are never going to live up to the shows of our own time but I don’t think these shows actually even appeal to today’s kids. I mean, where are the dilfs? Was Bob Duncan the last one???

My parents were able to enjoy watching along with many of the shows I grew up on, but the shows they’re making today are not the same level of watchable for an older audience. Truthfully I don’t think they are watchable for the kids they are meant for either. I mean we wonder why this next generation seems so weird, but do we ever consider that it has something to do with the TV they’re consuming? Not only are they consuming trash shows that AI “writes,” but they also are given unrestricted internet access. I mean seriously, why do 7 year olds have TikTok? 

A lot of people like to criticize the kids of today for this, but that’s unfair. They have literally no control over what the executives at Disney are putting forth. Disney and many other childrens’ networks are not putting genuine storytelling into their shows anymore. Look at Avatar The Last Airbender as just one example, this show literally addressed genocide (similar to the one Disney is currently supporting). And addressing this serious and very real topic (among many others) did not diminish the entertainment of the show! It made it ever better and enjoyable for a wider audience than just its intended age group. This all begs the question, if there is no storytelling in these shows, why is Disney still creating them? 

Unfortunately, that question has a super simple answer. They are still putting out shows despite their lack of substance because of greed. Disney knows that no matter what shows they are putting out, no matter how bad they are, kids will still watch them. Families will still pay thousands of dollars to go to their parks, viewers will still stream their old shows and movies, and fans will still buy merchandise. As long as people continue to indulge themselves, Disney will continue to make money—and let’s be real, these bitches can’t even boycott Starbucks while they fund the murder of thousands of children, they’ll never stop indulging.