THE SQUIRREL

Interviewer: Our Squirrel reporters scored an interview with THE Lin-Manuel Miranda by pretending to be Disney and lying about a job opportunity. Let’s get right into it. You are known for being an award-winning American actor, producer, director, composer, lyricist, playwright, rapper, and librettist, as well as your roles in Hamilton  and In The Heights , also your composed music featured in films like Moana , Encanto , and more. Please tell us, what is your go to coffee o

I was scrolling on Tiktok the other day, and came across something absolutely terrifying— a podcast composed entirely of teenage boys talking about the male loneliness epidemic. I sighed and scrolled past, as I often do from Tiktoks nowadays, but something stuck with me. Why are these teens blaming women for what is clearly  their fault? They are uninteresting, “too cool for school” (a drop of education would send them into a coma), unfunny losers. But I propose an antidote!

[This article was discovered after it was slipped under the door of The Squirrel headquarters by a group of squirrels, who stole it from a crying music student outside of CCMA. Viewer discretion is advised.] Hello, my name is [CENSORED], and I have been playing the clarinet for almost a decade. Almost a decade too long, if you ask me. Here is my confession.  To start, whoever invented the clarinet must have been in association with SATAN. Who the fuck thought “Hey, what if