susquirrel
SU Catches a Case of Kidnappings
By: SOPHIA CONGDON SUSQUEHANNA UNIVERSITY- Recently, dozens of students have been reported missing, taken from their beds in the middle...
susquirrel
How to Do Your Part Amid the Coronavirus
By: LILY DURA When on campus keep an eye out for any suspicious characters that appear to have a mask below their nose or a camo neck...
Unpaid Intern
SU Board of Directors Proposes New Hiring System
The Susquehanna University Board of Directors have offered a new solution to hiring full time faculty while saving both time and money....
Julie Heaney
WARNING: They’re hydrated, BPA free, scrunchied out, and tired of your plastic-using bullshit.
SU Students: As “hot girl summer” transitions into spooky season, we advise all students to be careful and take safety precautions when...
Isabel Camaratta
PLS Behave
After the first week of classes, as well as a very useful weekend of basic socialization for the freshmen, a speech was given by Dr....
Malaika Olaoye
Poltergeists Pacify after Party at TRAX
I was granted special invitation to Rave from the Grave’s Halloween Party this year. It is an infamous club on campus, well known for...
Sophia Congdon
RA Tries to Make Bathroom Idiot Proof
SMITH HALL, PA – The environment of the bathroom on the third floor of Smith Hall could not be more user friendly. Due to a couple dozen...
Matthew Bamman The Fifteenth
President Green Seeks Death Penalty for Student Caught Plagiarizing
Tension has been at an all-time high on campus after Junior Morpus Florpus was caught plagiarizing on his midterm paper last week. To...
Adam Unger
President Green Declares if You Rape Somebody “Your Mom Gay”
SELINSGROVE, PA - After receiving numerous complaints from the student body about the school’s lack of direct action in investigating...
Anthony Wojciechowsky
SU Finally Finds New Token Black Guy After... Well... You Know...
You may notice something different about the university-sponsored advertising around campus. That’s right, that splash of color isn’t...