THE SQUIRREL

Monster Energy Poems

Before I could gather my thoughts, the lights began to flicker violently, and then my life flashed before my eyes as the bathroom went black

(The Bowl Again)

The first step in surviving is identifying which being has made its mark in your living space.

Letters to and from Prez Green

I discovered a far greater, more terrible answer to a question I never knew I had: where President Green’s bowties come from.

Here is the Squirrel’s definitive guide to which Res Hall would survive the zombie apocalypse.

Hey pal! Semester’s almost over huh? Your mother and I can’t wait to see you, but please feel free to stay at school an extra day or two.

We here at The Squirrel have some suggestions for new looks that President Jonathan D. Green should give a try.

By: squirrel hivemind Suck up more to the donors. Write off students as dependents on our taxes. Ask Joe Biden for money. Just call him...