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THE SQUIRREL

Susquehanna University's satirical news source

Ethan Yevelson

Apples and Razor Blades: Is Halloween Too Safe?

Local kids everywhere are in an uproar this Halloween after it was discovered that none of the apples given out to trick-or-treaters this...

Matthew Murry

Fuck Spooky Season, It’s Christmas?

Selinsgrove, PA - In excitement for the upcoming holidays, the town of Selinsgrove is going all out with decor - but not in the way that...

Economic Boosts Caused by Kmart Blow-Out Sales

Mitchell Roshannon

Economic Boosts Caused by Kmart Blow-Out Sales

Local Kmarts around the nation have been closing down with enormous blow-out sales for the last seven years. One local liquidator said,...

Candy Shortage Incites Riots in Selinsgrove

Alan Codner

Candy Shortage Incites Riots in Selinsgrove

NOV 2 - What started out as a typical night of innocent Halloween fun devolved into madness and chaos late Saturday evening as young...

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