lifestyle | thesquirrel 9/11

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What to do if you or a loved one can’t stop talking about how nice the weather is outside

BY: JULIE HEANEY SUSQUEHANNA UNIVERSITY - After a painful 2020 and dreary start to 2021, all you, your mom, your roommates, your friends,...

susquirrel

3 Keto Recipe Ideas to Try this Spring

BY: KETOMAMA69 As we’re gearing up for hot squirrel summer and shaking off the winter quarantine blues, I have some recipes to share with...

susquirrel

6 Steps to Spring Cleaning Like a Badass

BY: MALAIKA OLAOYE It’s that time of year again. Time to put away the seasonal depression that can only be quelled by caffeine and...

susquirrel

Ask the Elder Squirrel

Answered By: Sophia Congdon Billy asks: How do I become the ‘big man’ on campus? Well Billy, buying stilts might be a good place to...

susquirrel

Finals Week Horoscope

By: Sophia Congdon (Aries sun, Pisces moon, Capricorn rising) Wondering what finals week has in store for you? The stars have all the...

Ethan Yevelson

The True Meaning of Halloween

While the true meaning of Christmas has been known since antiquity to be some bullshit about making other people happy or something, the...

Anthony Wojciechowsky

Study Suggests Men May Not Enjoy Rape

In a startling and controversial new study published this month, it was posited that it may be possible men do not necessarily enjoy...

Anastasia Farley

How to Make Your Kids Gay

In this day and age, gay is in fashion. Being gay is the new black (although the phrase “____ is the new black” doesn’t really make a lot...

Anthony Wojciechowsky

VAMPIRE BLOWJOBS SUCK: A critique of the cultural damages of liberalism and its socioeconomic ramifi

We live in an age where sexuality, the traditional domain of dominant, god-fearing men, has been occupied by the likes of the “feminazi,”...

Mitchell Roshannon

Economic Boosts Caused by Kmart Blow-Out Sales

Local Kmarts around the nation have been closing down with enormous blow-out sales for the last seven years. One local liquidator said,...

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